I wanted to talk about dating and relationships tonight and I thought I would begin with my story.
My first girlfriend was around 8th grade. I was Colby the Christian Computer in our church play in 6th grade and Jane* (*names have been changed to protect the innocent) was Colbette, some kind of strange and beautiful Computer. My friends, Ryan and Jacob, and I were all smitten by Jane*. Even though she was probably 10 inches taller than me she fell for me (and not Jacob or Ryan). As an awkward homeschooler I was not about to talk with her on the phone (with a cord), so we were always together at youth group and church and our relationship reached it’s height when we were on the bus coming back from our church winter retreat and we were sleeping head on head on the bus. (have you ever noticed how tired couples are on a road trip, they just have to use that human pillow)
So Jane* wrote me a break-up note a few months after her family moved away. My next official relationship was my Junior year with Alice*. We had a lot in common and had great conversations. We also moved further physically to the holding hands stage and then progressed withs some kissing. But after a few months I realized that she was not the person I wanted to spend my life with and I broke her heart with some lame excuse about summer freedom.
My next relationship was my freshman year of college. I was a California boy all the way, I surfed, climbed mountains, skied, and I only wore shorts. But going to a Christian College was my highest priority, even higher than staying in California for me, so I found myself with an almost full ride swimming scholarship at John Brown University in Arkansas. A few weeks after I packed my bags and jumped on that plane to Arkansas I met this beautiful blonde Sophomore from Oklahoma named Wendy Moen and after a few conversations I was totally crushing on her. She was a solid Christian who truly loved Jesus first in her life. She was full of conviction. And she was a ton of fun and full of activity. I asked her out a few weeks later and a year and a half later I asked her to marry me in a field Cross Country Skiing in Tahoe, CA. And a little over a year after that we were married.
So, I tell my story here because Wendy and I have been married for 12 years and we are still madly in love with each other. The foundation of our relationship from the beginning has been on having a great friendship and putting Jesus Christ at the center of our lives. We knew God’s word that described sex as wonderful and created by God, but then we also knew the verses like what Nicole and Joleen read to you last week: “among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality.” So early in our relationship we talked about where our physical boundaries were. Later on, especially after we were engaged, I decided that it would be okay to push those boundaries because I really wanted to, but Wendy held her ground. I think that if she had not stood firm, we would not have been married as early, because like most men, a huge part of why I wanted to get married was because I wanted to do the deed.
That’s a little hint for all you girls, when you’re looking for a guy to make the plunge to marry you, your chances decrease massively if you choose to give in sexually to him. The age people get married in the US keeps going up and up as people sleep with more and more people before they get married (if they get married)
Today our study of Ephesians takes us to Chapter 5 verses 22-33. These verses have been critical in my pursuit of women before marriage and in my 12 years and counting with Wendy.
So let’s look at these verses, but we can’t just jump in without a little review of last week, so let’s back up to verse 18
18 Do not get drunk on wine, which lead to debauchery. Instead be filled with the Spirit.
So drinking too much wine, or toking weed changes people. It alters a person’s reality and changes their personality. God is saying that “your identity should not be altered by a substance that just changes things for a while and leaves you crashed with regret for what you did while you were in an altered state, but your identity should be changed by the Spirit of God that will alter you in the right ways and give you joy that lasts forever."
19 Speak to one another with psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
When a person is filled with the Spirit of God there are some things you will see in their lives. They’ll speak, sing, give thanks to God, and submit to one another. This word submit in the greek is hü-po-tä's-sō it means “to arrange under.” It’s the idea that Paul describes in Philippians 2:3 “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.” A few weeks ago the Love Doctor, Brad Henning, came to the Jr. High and gave us his definition of love, that he stole from God (the jerk). He said love is to: choose the highest good for the other person. That’s submitting, and this verse says that those who have the Spirit of God in them should submit to each other. They should look out for what is best for their friends.
I need two volunteers for this next passage. (get a guy and a girl on stage)
22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits of Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
From culture to culture there has always been a way that people have shown submission to another. They bow to show that they have placed themselves under the person they see as superior. So now let’s say our volunteers are married, according the God’s word who should be bowing here? (get her to bow down). Now she is in a posture of honor toward him, but before we read that we’re supposed to submit to one another, so how does that submission look for the husband?
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.
Husbands are supposed to love their wives. This word love in greek is ä-gä-pä'-ō. It means “to take pleasure in the thing, be unwilling to abandon it or do without it.” Paul is telling husbands to put their wives on the pedestal of their lives. (Put the volunteer girl on the stool) She is to be his dictionary definition of beauty, of relationship, of enjoyment.
As a side note, what would pornography that this guy looked at when he was your age do to this love. Would his wife be the definition of beauty, or would a naked airbrushed model be the definition?
Now what does this look like as she submits to him and he loves her in the Christian model of mutual submission? It looks like equality with different roles. They are at the same level, but in different places.
28 In the same way husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body.
So marriage is more than marriage, it’s a picture of Christ’s love for the church.
“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”
Yes, he says that marriage is between a man and a woman, it takes priority way over any in-laws or other relationships, and there should no longer be a “his and hers”, only a “theirs.”
32 “This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect her husband.”
I’m assuming that none of you Jr. Highers are married yet, and some of you may copy Jesus and never get married. But all of you are preparing for marriage and future relationships today by your actions and beliefs. I can say with enthusiasm that if you give yourself fully to Jesus Christ and make him your Savior, he will guide you toward true love that chooses the highest good for the other person, in your friendships with guys, girls, and eventually the person you will marry.
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